I found the book helpful. I would not rely on it as the only source of relationship information.
The author's strategy to deal with PA is to label people (page 34). Then we have them inside a neat little box. So after reading the book, some people have assumed they know all of the feelings, thoughts, and motivators of the PA person. That is dangerous and inaccurate.
"Passive-aggressive personality disorder (PAPD) is no longer regarded as an official personality disorder in DSM-IV; this is because its principal features are so commonly seen in other personality disorders, such as borderline, histrionic and dependent. PAPD is in the appendix of DSM-IV as a condition requiring further study. " - from mhsource
In other words, it is too vague.
The author makes huge assumptions that each instance of this behavior has one, and only one, motive. Factors beyond our relationship to our Mother are largely ignored.
The author assumes that numerous actions intend harm and are for control purposes. That may not be true.
Inconsistencies: The author criticizes the PA person for feeling like a victim. Then he advocates throughout the book that the reader should feel innocent and a victim. He is also inconsistent regarding anger. It is criticized. And then he says that the reader "has every right to feel angry" and act out that anger. The PA is criticized for blaming others. The reader is told numerous times that the blame and fault for problems in the relationship are "his" and only his.
Beyond all that, he has written a book on relationships that completely omits love, spirituality, and any moral values. The only values promoted are selfishness and self-centeredness. That is his "solution" to relationship problems.
I do not make excuses for disrespectful, demeaning, or manipulative behavior. Many people need to change behaviors. This book does not offer solutions based on love.
You may find a more accurate description of marital issues in Give and Take by Willard F. Harley, Jr. In his books, you will see that many "love busting" actions come from unmet needs, self-centeredness, and other reasons.
There are also other books that include research and widely-respected views. This book has bits of helpful information. It is not balanced. Use with care.
If you're on the dating scene and you've thought you were making progress with a relationship--only to have the guy start getting cold feet, or your formerly passionate husband has become incommunicative and disinterested, then you need to read Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man. All will become clear within 200 pages.
The passive-aggesive personality disorder in men is reaching epidemic proportions in this country, due to the fact that most American men over 30 were raised with one set of values (women should be submissive and stay at home) and are today supposed to live with another set of values (women are men's equal and should follow their own ideas). And then there are all the p/a's who inherited their problems from upbringing by troubled parents.
All I know is that every single one of my female friends has pondered "how can you possibly understand men?" Well, Scott Wetzler does, and explains their inexplicable p/a behavior. I thought it was interesting that the negative reviews of this book were all by men--no doubt guys who had had the book given to them because they had a problem, and as the book says, are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions!
I found it chilling that Dr. Wetzler described my husband as if he knew him personally. The problems that I had blamed myself for were all there: the abstinence, the emotional withdrawal, the subtle criticisms, the narcissim. What a huge relief to know that all this was not my fault!
