This is an important book which, if understood and incorporated, can improve our capacity for both sexual pleasure and love. It is sad how often so many of us assume a diminishing capacity for love and sexual pleasure is inevitable, and acquiesce to an insidious internal process that robs us of one of life's greatest pleasures. Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships resoundly demonstrates that we can maintain a healthy sexuality throughout our lifetimes, if we understand and confront the real internal obstacles to ongoing sexual fulfillment.

This book provides an important answer to the great mystery concerning sexuality in America: why is that despite a tidal wave of Dr. Phil-type experts and Mars and Venus books, Americans seem to be having less and less sex?

Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships reports, for example, that a 1994 survey of 7000 couples reported that 59% of men and 63% of women said they were not emotionally satisfied in their sexual relationships. Other surveys indicate that most couples, particularly as people get older, have sex just once or twice a month. Why do people have sex so infrequently, despite the growing mountain of books, video tapes and workshops promising new vistas of sexual adventure and ecstasy?

The answer, if one believes Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships, is that most our real sexual problems derive fgrom deep inner psychological defenses that are untouched by the superficial focus on technique offered by most sex experts. It is fine to prescribe telling your partner what you like, wearing pink nighties or making love in a phone booth. But unless we dare tackle the deep inner causes of sexual dissatisfaction, such outer prescriptions rarely offering lasting results.

Sex and Love in Intimate Relationships describes in detail, using interesting case-histories, how people have internalized "voices" or negative thoughts about their capacity for love, bodies, partners and performance which, over time, diminish their capacity for sexual pleasure. We also struggle with deep unconscious fears of death which distance us from our partners, as allowing ourselves real sexual intimacy means opening ourselves up to the deep pain of losing them.

But the book also offers hope. The book offers numerous case-histories demonstrating that people can, by understanding and countering the inner causes of diminishing sexuality, expand their capacity for love, intimacy and sexual pleasure. Dozens of couples have used the ideas in this book to increase their capacity for sexual fulfillment and the actions they have taken, though requiring facing childhood hurts, can be taken by anyone. I strongly recommend reading this book and, more importantly of course, acting upon its prescriptions.

Everyone who is currently in, or plans to be in a romantic relationship should read this book! It does eveything from recomending ways to improve your sexual intimacy to examining the meaning of concepts such as "love" and "healthy sexuality". This book should be a prerequisite for anyone who wants to start a relationship.