Hearing the titular quote from a significant other will ruin anyone's day. My quest to understand and deal with this kind of relational amputation led me to "The Art of Rejection," by Hayley and Michael DiMarco. I enjoyed their earlier book "Marriable," and I wanted to get the DiMarco's insights on this difficult subject.

According to the DiMarcos, changing one's perspective on rejection is a valuable growth mechanism. Instead of bemoaning rejection, they say it's a common part of life, and that we should be thankful for it. In the context of dating, it teaches crucial relational lessons and frees both the rejecter and the rejected to find the right person for them. To that end, they discuss the subject on both sides, and from the different perspective of each gender.

For the rejected, "The Art of Rejection" provides a number of principles to help deal with the shock and aftermath of getting the boot. For example, when being rejected one should keep their mouth shut instead of responding with angry words. As for the rejecter, the authors consul he or she to end things gently, but firmly - with no games or ambivalence. On the post-relationship shape of things, I appreciated their skepticism about the rejecter's "I still want to be friends" line. In my experience, this is nothing but a minefield, and the DiMarcos concur. Of course, each party should be courteous and friendly to each other. However, I don't know many folks (myself included) who can instantly and easily downgrade their feelings after getting the boot. Continuing to hang out in that context is a recipe for more pain. As recommended by the authors, it's best to move on and continue the search for someone marriable.

I liked the DiMarco's common-sense advice and humorous approach to the subject matter. But as with "Marriable," I struggled with their "wisdom-lite" approach and lack of Scriptural foundation. Case in point: as a Christian I've found prayer to be indispensable when having to deal with a rejecter. I couldn't have done it with the simple cognitive shift recommended by the authors. Instead, I had to pray (good things) for them to maintain my bearing and be respectful. Perhaps the DiMarcos want to avoid sounding preachy. But since Christianity is the basic foundation for their principles, then some Biblical back-up is necessary. As the saying goes, "you have to dance with who brung ya."

Even so, "The Art of Rejection" is a good resource on the subject of dating rejection. But I would augment it with at least one of these books: "Loves Me, Loves Me Not," by Laura Smit (a more scholarly treatment of unrequited love), "Let's Just Be Friends," by H. Norman Wright (a solid guide to handling rejection), and "You Didn't Complete Me," by JoAnna Harris (a somewhat quirky take on rejection's aftermath).