You attract who you are - subconsciously.

And, as a relationship goes on, you are faced with who you are, in the mirror of your partner.

There are many messages from your spouse's resistance or acceptance that tell you the reality of what is in your relationship.

And when you fight this reality you fuel the problems, and make it more difficult to either break up or to solve the problem, by healing your own wounds.

I like this book because Dr. Robi explores the childhood relationship fairy tales that we all start out with, and, using real life spousal homicides, she shows the readers how going into the marriage while holding onto the fairy tale, and your unhealed shame wounds can contribute to the "every day six people in the United States are murdered by spouses or intimate partners."

What surprized or puzzled me in this book is that Dr. Robi say's that the public is "fascinated" by these spousal homicides.

For me, I found these homicides interesting, not fascinating, because they tell a story over and over again about how so many people live their lives in denial (Don't Even Notice I am Lying).

This means that so many people are not being given room to be authentic. Eventually, harbored emotions do explode like a pressure cooker.

As I read each psychological profile, I found it interesting to note how I handled relationship conflict in my 20's, compared to now in my 40's.

Wow! In my 20's, I would "scrap." Now, in a situation where there is no room to compromise, and I'm clear of my role in what is not working, I'm too busy to allow that person room in my life.

Read this book to become more aware of your role in your relationship, and in "if" you can be supportive of those around you who may be in a relationship conflict.

This book is an example of how desperate publishers can be if they think they can make a sale. I am friends with Betty Broderick, a subject of the book, and I know a lot about her personality and her history. To claim that Betty was "stalking" her former husband is a clear indication that Ludwig doesn't have a CLUE what she's talking about -- she never met Betty or interviewed her, even long-distance! Don't waste your money on this piece of trash (or the book, either). Some people in prison were the victims of AWFUL circumstances, and to minimize the suffering that lead to their incarceration only adds to the suffering. Shame on everyone connected with this waste of otherwise good paper!