The Bully in Your Relationship: Stop Emotional Abuse and Get the Love You Deserve by Anne-Renee Testa, Ph.D. is one of the most helpful books about emotional abuse available. This up-to-date guide is easy to read, if sometimes painful to digest, and comes across more like a counseling session than the usual impersonal textbooks on the topic.

Although the first half of The Bully details the types of bullies and the denial abused people employ to stay in damaging relationships, the second half makes it all worthwhile. Dr. Testa states, "This impressive body of knowledge you've gained gives you a solid foundation to stand on as you move forward. You know all about the bullying problem--backward, forward, upside down, and inside out. Now it's time for the solution: my A.R.T. Method."

The A.R.T. method: Acknowledge, Reassess, Take action is based on some of the principles underlying popular 12-step programs and includes workbook activities which will prove a boon to the person who has the suspicion that something may be terribly wrong with their relationship. Dr. Testa's A.R.T. method will help anyone in a bullying relationship take a fresh look at the bully in their lives, tame the bully that lies within them, and begin the slow, rewarding process of change that will ultimately give them the power to overcome their situation.

One important caveat: Dr. Testa does not acknowledge the real, physical danger some women (and men) face in violent relationships, and at one point states "Open up a space in your mind, and affirm the following...'I'm safe and secure...I'm not in any danger--the fear that I'm feeling right now is about the past, not the present.'" Most experts agree that while "doing it scared" is necessary to overcoming abuse, taking safety precautions can be vital: retaliation all too often results in physical attacks, lasting trauma, and sometimes, sadly, even death.